Thursday, June 12, 2008

I am thinking . . .

. . . how much my last entry reminds me of my grandma, who is 90 years and 5 months old, and who, when I last gave her a hug at the end of a visit said, "Come back and see me," with such urgency that I can't get her words out of my mind. And as the days since that visit tick by--Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and now Thursday--I wonder if I'm letting time slip away that shouldn't slip, and I wonder if she has something urgent to tell me, or if her words grow more out of not wanting to be left alone and forgotten, and maybe of not fully feeling--because I am guessing that in the end it is difficult to have that sort of confidence--that you can cross to the other side and find people there waiting specifically for you, and you alone, people who love you, know you, and will gladly encircle you in their embrace. I wonder what I should say, what I could say, to let her know that, even though so many people in her life were rotten, there will be people like me, people who love her, over there. And everything will be more than okay. It will be glorious.

My grandma is glorious already.


Alicia said...

Go see her. Don't let the time slip away. At 90, I believe she knows who is waiting for her on the other side. Older people have a peace about such things. The veil thins as we age. For some of us, we catch small glimpses, a sense of our loved ones that have passed on. At your grandma's age, I'm sure she feels them. Just go see her. Regrets are not created from the time we spend with loved ones but from the time we neglect to spend.

Olive Kite said...

I did go and see her. I just arrived home. She was in a lot of pain. on Monday, she can get a shot to help alleviate the pain.

I think it made her happier that we came. When we first arrived, you could see pools of tears in the bottom portions of her eyes, but when we left, she seemed a bit happier.

I know that you've been through this with your grandparents, Alicia. I sometimes wonder why we and they must go through it. But, I love having my grandma here, where I can talk to her, feel her strength.

I wonder who will be waiting for her.

Olive Kite said...

If I were to die today, I would like my mother's mother, my great grandmother, my mother's sisters and brothers, Ellen V., and Olive to greet me.

Betty Edit said...

Wow, I wish I had a grandmother.

I also wish I had visited my grandmother with my parents when she was very old.

I also wish I had gone to her funeral.

I hope people with grandparents realize how lucky they are to even have that type of relationship (and Olive, I don't mean you, because I know you appreciate your relationships).

At least I know I'll get to meet my grandparents someday.

And Olive, I'm not so sure you're going to like the end of that book. Maybe you will.

Alicia said...

I think my grandpa and grandma will be the ones to greet me. Then my great-grandma and my great-grandma Winnie. They will be able to introduce me to everyone else. All of the hundreds of people in my family history records. Won't that be fun?

I should be better about visiting my grandma that is living. I forget that she is 90. It's so easy to take them for granted when they have been around our whole lives.

I think the suffering that we go through, that we watch our loved ones go through helps us to grow. It helped me learn to serve others, to cherish the moments we have with each other, to want to live a better life so I get to be with them again.

Sheila said...

I'm hitting the veil running. I know who's on the other side, and I can't wait to see them. Not that I'm planning on speeding up the process or anything-- I just know that when that veil gets thin and I'm close to crossing over, I'll want to just go.

Olive Kite said...

I have seen a change in my grandma lately. She seems more at peace. I think she's really close . . . which makes me sad.

Olive Kite said...

And then again, I've thought my grandma was close for years and years and years. She has this amazing tenacity and will power.

I wish I had a fraction of it.